Four years ago today...

...I was pacing up and down the hall at work like a caged tiger. No, not because it was Election Day, although it was, and I had already voted, but I couldn't care less. Because I knew this was the day I was going to get the call that would change my life. My DTC date was September 24, 2001 and I had been waiting more than 13 months for my referral. The referrals for October were almost two weeks late coming out at this point. There were reports that the referrals were late because September AND October were going to get their referrals this time (boy, those were the days!) That ended up not being the case and the October people would have to wait another few weeks. But barring some catastrophe, I knew I was in this batch. I was still worried though. A year before, my friend Dana was supposed to get her referral and the CCAA had mistakenly included hers with another agency's packet of referrals. That agency couldn't just forward it to her...it had to go back to the CCAA and then to her and it was another three weeks before she got it. So in the back of my mind, I knew there could be a screw-up of some kind.

It was late morning and I was checking the September2001DTC CCAI yahoo group like every 30 seconds. Finally, the first referrals appeared - they were calling people! I ran out to the front desk and told our office coordinator (and my friend) Valerie that the referrals were coming and that if anyone called for me, she needed to ask who it was so I'd be ready. I can still remember how the anticipation was almost dizzingly unbearable.

A bit later, I was walking back to my office talking to my friend Kerry when Val ran toward us. "Your agency's on the phone!!!" Val and Kerry asked if they could stay and we went in my office and closed the door. I took a deep breath and in this embarrassingly shaky voice, I said "This is Donna." The woman on the other end of the line laughed. "Don't be nervous...this is Elaine at CCAI and I'm looking at a picture of your beautiful daughter!" Relief flooded over me...there was no mix-up or lost dossier...I was a mom!

I tried to concentrate as Elaine gave me the details...her name was Yin Yi Qian...she was born on February 24, 2002 (just over 8 months old and the same birthday as my niece D.J. who was traveling with us to China!)...she was at Yiyang SWI in Hunan Province...at 6 months old, she was 13 pounds and 25 inches. I tried to ask a couple questions that she didn't know the answer to, but I wasn't really into asking questions at that point. She said she was emailing me my daughter's photo as we spoke and I would get more details and pictures via Fed Ex tomorrow.

I hung up the phone and Val and Kerry hugged me and congratulated me. Then I turned to my computer to see if I had gotten an email from CCAI yet...it was there. I looked at my friends and said "we're going to see Emma for the first time." I have to be totally honest here...I had tried to steel myself and my family and friends for the reality that the referral picture might not be great and that Emma may not look all that cute in it. I mean, they don't call them mug shots for nothing. I admit there were times over the previous year that I would see someone's referral photo and think "Oh, that's too bad." I mean, you knew the baby was going to be adorable once they saw her...but often those pictures are not so adorable. So I had tried to tell myself that just because the referral picture wasn't lovely, that didn't mean my daugher wasn't lovely. As it turned out, I needn't have worried myself, because when I clicked on the photo attached to the email, I was about to lay eyes on what was, and remains to this day,

the

most

beautiful

face

I

had

ever

seen

in

my

entire

life


About three seconds after the picture came up on the screen, complete anarchy broke out. I burst into tears, Kerry started screaming and Val ran out into the hallway yelling to everyone "DONNA JUST GOT HER REFERRAL!!!" Soon there were like ten people in my office, looking at the picture and hugging me. It was so unbelievable.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur of phone calls to family and friends and hours of staring at that picture. I can say with all honesty that getting that call and seeing my daughter's picture for the first time was the most incredible moment of my life. I think I lot of people would wonder why actually getting her in China wasn't the most incredible moment. I think that's because I was so nervous and apprehensive on the day I got Emma, I was almost sick. I remember almost nothing of gotcha day. If my sister hadn't recorded every second of that day on a camcorder, I would probably have no memory of it at all. It was that surreal.

But I remember in great detail almost every second of referral day...it remains the single greatest day of my life. I didn't know it at the time I got that call, but exactly four weeks to the day, I would be on my way to China to get Emma. And my life would change forever...