Four years ago today...

...I was sitting in a meeting room at a hotel in Changsha, China waiting to be given my baby girl. My memories of that day are a blur. But I do remember being almost sick with apprehension. The day before, we had been given the latest development reports on our children-to-be. What I zeroed in on was that little Yin Yi Qian (Emma) got very upset when she was around strangers. My new daughter was going to hate me! She had been at the orphanage since she was two days old and had never left the building until she was carried onto a bus on this chilly December day to be driven to a hotel 90 minutes away to be handed to a total stranger who looked and smelled different than anyone she had ever seen before. I was almost in tears thinking about how confused and upset she was going to be. I was just sitting in this room with my sister and niece and 11 other families and thinking to myself what a monumental mistake this had been. I was literally shaking.

But I didn't have much time to fret because our CCAI guide announced the babies were here! And who was the very first baby that was carried in the room...but little Yin Yi Qian! Here is a short slide show of our first moments together. I apologize for the poor quality of the photos. This was before the advent of digital photography and I had to scan these in with my crappy scanner. But anyway...

Here was the moment I was handed my daughter...as you can see, she looks thrilled!


As you can tell, our first few moments were not without a few tears!



Bu then I showed her the little toy I had brought for her...it was a small baby mirror.


I really don't know why I chose this particular toy...but it was a brilliant choice. Who knows if my baby had ever even seen herself in a mirror before? After that, it was the start of a love affair that continues to this day (not between Emma and me...between Emma and the MIRROR!)


After showing her the mirror, there were no more tears from Miss Emma...she was a pretty happy little baby for the rest of our time in the room...


The one thing that I was later a little sad about was that, because Emma was the first baby in the room, I really didn't get to enjoy the rest of our group getting their babies. Of course, we would get to know them over the next two weeks, but I would have liked to have seen the joy of the other families as they saw their babies for the first time.

Anyway, after like 15 minutes, we were told to take the babies back to our rooms and try to wind down a little from all the excitement. When I got Emma to the room, I began taking off her FIVE layers of clothing! No exaggeration. When I finally got her stripped down, it was time to attempt my first diaper change. My niece D.J. watched with much amusement. I'm sure Emma was thinking at this point "who is this idiot and why can't she get a diaper on the first try!"


Then it was time for our first bottle. I have to tell you that during the wait, I spent countless hours researching baby bottles and finally settled on Avent bottles with the disposable liners. The perfect choice. So I mixed up Emma's Chinese formula, which we had bought at the grocery store the night before. I put it in my state-of-the-art bottle and put it in Emma's mouth. "No, I don't think so," she said. Well, she didn't actually SAY it, but she kept pushing the bottle away so I knew that's what she was thinking. I was in a real panic. She was very hungry but she wouldn't let me give her a bottle. Our CCAI rep said some babies only like the bottles they're used to. So my sister Marcia ran across the street to a little store across the street and bought some cheap Chinese bottles. We made cuts in the nipples so the formula would come out easier and - TAH-DAH - I successfully gave Emma her bottle!


And here's a little post-bottle bliss...I think we were starting to bond a little...


This is my favorite picture of the two of us from the entire trip...and it was taken just a few hours after we met...


I have to thank my sister Marcia who did such a good job taking pictures of our trip to China...because my memories of the experience are sometimes blurry, it's so great to see all the photos she took.

Far from being a monumental mistake, choosing adoption was the best decision I have ever made. Has it always been easy? No, of course not. We had a very difficult first month home. The first week back, I was sick with infected tonsils and the remnants of food poisoning that I picked up my last day in China (I spent the entire flight home in the bathroom throwing up.) The first week, we were up all night and slept all day because of the time difference. And even when we got back on schedule, poor Emma suffered through night terrors for a month. She would be fast asleep, but cried and cried. I felt so helpless and was exhausted. Even though I didn't know it at the time, I'm sure I was suffering through some post-adoption depression. But soon Emma started to sleep through the night without crying and I got some sleep and we got through it all.

So I can't believe it's really been four years...how has the time gone by so quickly? It's a cliche, but it really does seem like yesterday. On the other hand, I really have no memory of my life before Emma, so it seems like forever. I love you so much, my little girl...every day, but especially on December 9th!